Kevley
by GrenadeShotgun
Summary: "My big brothers stripped me naked and left me in the middle of a field at night! It was awesome!" -Kevin, College Bored


_"My big brothers stripped me naked and covered me with molasses, and left me in the middle of a field at night! It was awesome!" Kevin, College Bored_

Kevin groggily opened his eyes, seeing a blurry, blue sky. After a few seconds, it wasn't so blurry. He felt like he had been tackled by an entire team of football players, five times in the last five minutes. As he slowly got to his feet, he realised he was covered in molasses.

"All right! I'm delicious!" Kevin exclaimed, before falling back down to the ground. He felt more dizzy than usual, and he couldn't remember what happened last night. Since Kevin had no idea what happened last night, he had no idea where he was. All he could see was an expansive wheat field in every direction. Except down. When he looked down he saw his naked body. Kevin was suddenly very glad that he would only be seen by the wheat stalks. In an uncharacteristic display of common sense and maybe even, dare I say it, intelligence, Kevin decided to walk in a random direction, hoping to find a house or person so he could find out how to get home. It must have been the residual alcohol.

After what seemed like hours of trudging through the wheat field, Kevin's head had cleared up. He was now only about as dizzy as usual, and the headache was gone. Eventually, Kevin came across a run down looking metal shed. Since there might have been some kind of phone or even just a clue as to where he was inside, he opened the door and stepped in.

The heavily reinforced door immediately slammed shut behind him. However, Kevin didn't notice as he was confronted with a sleek, futuristic elevator. Now, despite Kevin's lack of general knowledge, he knew that most people don't have sleek, futuristic elevators inside their tiny, run-down, cobbled-together-with-sheet-metal sheds. Kevin suddenly felt something he had never felt before: apprehension, a bad feeling about the situation. Usually Kevin just charged head on into life, taking whatever came at him with his head held high, acting purely on instinct, thinking about choices wasn't necessary for making decisions. But here, he felt _apprehensive_ about this _elevator_. An elevator? What's so dangerous about an elevator? Well, he supposed the elevator could break and crash to the bottom of the elevator shaft, but that was very unlikely. Kevin turned around with the intention of leaving. However, the heavily-reinforced door was locked. This only served to unsettle Kevin further. Well, he couldn't just stand there staring at the open elevator until he starved to death, and since the door leading back outside was locked, he only had one option. Kevin reminded himself that elevators aren't scary, and stepped inside.

The glass doors automatically closed, and the elevator began its descent. As it travelled further underground, Kevin looked out the glass of the elevator and saw an expansive factory of some sort. However, it seemed to be abandoned, fallen into disrepair, covered in plantation. The greenery was even creeping up the walls. Kevin would have wondered how the elevator was still working despite the rest of the facility clearly being broken down, but it was at that point that the elevator stopped completely, the light flickering for a few seconds before the whole elevator (and Kevin) plunged downward at top speed.

For the second time in one day, Kevin woke up with a horrible headache and a feeling of dizziness. Pulling himself out of the wreckage, he saw that the elevator had fallen into a small pool of water. Good thing water is soft. Crawling onto the metal walkway in front of him, Kevin looked up and saw a metal ball with a blue eye, hanging from a rail.

"Wow, that was incredible!" Said the metal ball. "I can't believe you survived that!" Kevin groaned in pain and slumped on the floor. The metal ball activated some sort of blue scanner, running it over Kevin's crumpled body.

"I'm just checking to see what injuries you have, so we can fix you up and have you back on your feet in no time, mate." The metal ball assumed a quizzical and slightly worried expression. "Uh, I've got some bad news here. It says you have a very minor case of serious brain damage!"


End file.
